1st Birthday and More!

It has been so long since I've posted! I've been very busy lately. Brennan and Ava has their 1st Birthday on November 7th! We had a Backyardigans party. They love the show! We celebrated with lots of family and friends. They got SOOOOO many new toys. After the guests left, Cory and I just sat there staring at all the stuff, wondering where we were going to put it. We turned our dining room into a playroom, but there was so much stuff! Luckily, with a storage bin and a relatively large room, it worked out. It's funny to me how no matter how many times I put a certain toy into the playroom, they just bring it back in the living room. It's also funny to me how they have so many toys (new and old) and love to play with the dog food dish, electrical cords, remotes, etc. One thing is for sure, Bren and Ava are loved by so many!




The day after their birthday, Brennan woke up with a terrible seal like cough. I thought to myself "Oh, Lord: it's croup!" We treated the symptoms he had and took him to the pediatrician on Monday afternoon. Sure enough, he had the ugly Croup. He was prescribed Prednisone and Motrin for fever control. He HATED the Prednisone and threw up after every dose. We put it in juice and the same thing happened. We then mixed it with his beloved bananas and it stayed down. The Prednisone made him mean and an insomniac! He is not a great sleeper anyway, but he just couldn't be still in bed AND he was in the bed with Mama and Daddy. I knew how ugly Croup could be, so I couldn't put him in his own bed upstairs. Ava has a little cough, but nothing like his cough was. Friday evening, we took Ava and Bren outside in the cool air, since this makes Croup symptoms better. We took them for a ride in their new wagon. I have to share this adorable picture!


***Thanks, Joyce and Todd for the great ride!!!!***


Anyway, 1 week later, he is better. He still has a dry cough (not the Croup cough), but feels SO much better. The Prednisone is stopped, so I feel like I have my baby boy back! For any of you who have taken an oral steroid, you know how crazy it makes even us adults! I took a steroid for bronchitis once and I could have killed someone!

Our babysitter and my other Mama, Toni, is back in the hospital. She has multiple Pulmonary Emboli (blood clots in lungs). Please keep her in your prayers! Thanks to great friends, we have the babysitter issue resolved. Ava and Bren sure do miss their Nana Toni, though!

Thursday Cuteness

Not much to blog about today, but had to share a few pics. We are now bathing the babies in the tub together. We used the sink after they had outgrown the baby tub, but they made a HUGE mess, splashing around, so we decided to use the tub in our bathroom. Anyway, here are a few pictures of their cuteness!

Rainy Friday afternoon post..

I haven't posted in so long. I'm very busy these days. Busier than I ever imagined. I spend 3 days of my week at work (7a-7p) and the other 4 chasing around two 10 month olds, who are into EVERYTHING. I can't believe in a little over 1 month, they will be 1 year old. Where has the time gone? Where did my babies go, I often ask myself, as they are pulling up on everything in site, cruising around on furniture, and crawling everywhere. They always seem to find things that they shouldn't. They love electrical cords, electrical outlets (Brennan has figured out how to remove the baby proof covering), and have a new found fascination with pulling up on the fireplace. Brennan is still very impatient and demands our attention all the time. He lifts his arms for us to pick him up, then he wants to dive out of our arms. Ava remains the sweet, calm, beautiful princess she has always been. She has learned to dance. I have to record it! It is hilarious and she dances to all music, especially a certain song her gammy sings to her. "Callll the Doctor, the doctor said, feed that baby some shortening bread!"

Cory and I both took the week off to be together as a family. Of course, it has rained ALL week and we all had the stomach virus. I have been lysoling like a man woman! Seeing your children sick is terrible, especially with a stomach virus, because there is nothing you can do but give them pedialyte. So sad!

I'm now headed to get ready for our date tonight. HA! Sam's, target, dinner. Gammy and Pops are babysitting. Have a great weekend!

I'm alive!

So, I haven't been much into blogging lately. I've been reading others, but just not into posting one. I have NOTHING to do, you know. I sleep until noon and sit around and watch tv for the rest of the day. HA! I couldn't tell you the last time I sat and watched TV, uninterrupted for a 30 minute show. And, the sleeping until noon thing is enough to make even the most depressed among us, laugh! Ha!

These days, I'm busy being a wife to my husband, who amazes me more and more everyday with his patience and love for his children. I'm busy being a registered nurse at a job that I enjoy, although physically and emotionally difficult. Most importantly, I am busy being a mother to the most beautiful babies in the world.



They keep me very busy. They are "army crawling" and are into EVERYTHING they have no business being into. Brennan loves cords to the tv. He gets behind the entertainment center to get them. A great friend of mine (Aunt Nikki) has told me to crawl around on my hands and knees to find things they can get into and fix them. Maybe I'll work on that today.

Cory and I went out to dinner last night. No babies, just us. The babies were with Nana and Papa G (Cory's parents). We had such a good time, but could only talk about our precious babies. Oh how things change when you're a parent. Ava and Brennan are our lives now and I couldn't imagine them not being around. It is nice to have a break, though, since Brennan has decided he doesn't like sleep. He wakes up sometimes two times during the night, sometimes zero. It is so unpredictable. To get him back to sleep, it takes Cory gettting him out of bed and patting his back for about 5-10 minutes. I've been researching this and everywhere says I need to let him cry and get himself back to sleep. We may try this tonight. I don't know if either on of us can do it. Something has to be done, though! He needs rest, as does his parents! :)

I have lots to do before the babies get home...laundry, laundry, more laundry, and maybe a nap.

Have a great day!

It has been a while...

On my last post, I had asked everyone to pray for sweet Kayleigh. As many of you may already know, Kayleigh passed away this week. I can't imagine what her parents are going through, although I'm sure they're thankful she doesn't have to suffer anymore. Adam, Aimee and the rest of the Freeman family are still in my prayers.

So, last weekend was Mother's Day weekend! I had a great first Mother's Day. Last Mother's Day was when I found out I was pregnant. Wow. Anyway, apparently Cory thought I needed some R & R, so he bought me a massage from Ava and Brennan . I am so excited to be massaged! It will be so wonderful to relax! We also went to Red Lobster with my parents and then to Cory's parents house. It was a great weekend!




I worked Monday and Tuesday. Monday was a horrible day! It seemed as though everything that could have went wrong, did! Ugh! I had three patients, who were very sick and just kept going bad. I was ready to throw my hands up and leave! I do like my new job, but it's very emotional and hard work! Tuesday was a little better. I had the same patients, but since I was familiar with them and their needs, it wasn't so bad. The 12 hours are great, though, as I get to be at home more with my favorite people in the world!

Speaking of my favorite people in the world: Ava and Brennan are 6 months old! I cannot believe it! I never understood the true meaning of "time flies" until I had children. I wrote another letter to them a few days ago, so I will share. Enjoy! :)

Dear Brennan and Ava,

Today, my sweet babies are 6 months old. I can't believe it's been a whole 6 months since my life changed completely. You two have brought so much joy to Daddy and I. There is never a boring moment with you two around; you make life worth living! We can't imagine the two of you not being around. We love you more than anything in the world, and look forward to the rest of our lives together. Here are a few things you two can do. I will begin the list with Brennan. It's only fair I start with him, he IS the oldest. :)

Brennan:

*You respond to voices, but you LOVE Mommy and Daddy's voice. When I come home from work and you hear my voice, you smile and laugh and talk to me.
* You are a Mommy's Boy through and through!
* Your favorite words right now are "Goooooooo, Ahhhhh, OoOohhhh, and "Daaaaaaaa"
* You spit your paci out when we try to give it to you. You prefer your fingers and your arm.
* You put everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING in your mouth. You even grab other peoples' fingers to put in your mouth.
* Your favorite toy is a chain (links hooked together).
* You are constantly moving!
* You love toys that have lots of colors, light up, and make noise.
* With help, you can stand. You make this brief grunting noise when you stand. You seem so proud of yourself.
* You flip from your back to stomach and your stomach to your back. You love to sleep on your stomach.
* You sleep all night.
* You prefer baby food to formula. You love bananas and any kind of juice. You get babyfood twice per day and formula the rest of the day. You always eat at least 8oz and most of the time, you eat more.
* You are fed in a highchair now. You're such a big boy! The mere thought of you being a big boy brings tears to my eyes.
* You are trying to crawl. You scoot around on the floor.
* You can sit up by yourself for about 5 seconds and then you topple over. You get so mad when this happens.
* You are such a morning person.
* You were recently changed from a size 2 diaper to size 3. You wear 6 month clothes.
* You are a happy baby. You only get really fussy when you're tired or hungry. You do fight sleep.
* You LOVE your sister! You two have your own language with each other and like to hold hands.

Ava:

* You are definitely a talker! You talk to strangers, your toys, your mobile in your bed, your clothes, and always to your family. Your favorite words are "Ah goooo, Ahhhh, and daaaaaaaaaaa"
* You talk, smile, and always try to put your brother's clothes in your mouth.
* You love your Baby Einstien ball. You kick the ball and when it's lying beside you, you pick it up.
* You roll from your back to stomach and stomach to back. You love to sleep on your stomach.
* You sleep all night.
* You love to eat! You like all veggies, but you love fruit! You also love juice.
* You eat babyfood twice per day and formula the rest of the time. You like babyfood a lot more than formula. Actually, you don't let us give you formula after babyfood! You scream at us!
* You stand with our assistance and you, too, always seem so proud of yourself when you do.
* You hate socks and shoes. You always kick them off. You have the cutest shoes and princess socks and you hate them!
* You can sit up briefly, but you topple over. You always get so mad when you fall over!
* You never really liked the paci, but you definitely don't now. You love sucking on your index and middle finger. Sometimes you put your whole fist in your mouth.
* Your fingers and toes interest you so much.
* You fight sleep! You take one nap during the day for maybe 20 minutes.
* You are trying to crawl!
* You eat in your highchair. You're a big girl! The thought of my babies being a "big boy and girl" is breaking my heart.
* As was typing the last sentence, you were talking as usual. You said "Daaa Daaa" between the "Goooooooo." Your daddy is ecstatic! I called him just to tell him.
* You're a happy baby and you love to laugh. You only get fussy when you're tired or hungry.
*You wear size 3 diapers and 6-9 month clothes. You've done quite well at catching up! You and your brother have gotten SO big!
* You are a Daddy's Girl all the way! You smile so big when you see him.

Well, duty calls! Brennan needs a nap and is refusing to take one!

Take care! :)

So Thankful...

As I got home last night at 7:30pm from work, I complained that my feet were hurting from the long day, despite me wearing my dansko shoes. I complained about being tired. I then walked in to the living room, where my beautiful babies were sitting with my husband and I suddenly became thankful for everything I have. I'm always thankful, but this was different. Cory and I argue a lot, but the truth is, I love him more than he knows. I also appreciate him more than he knows. He is such a huge help and he is the best Father i've ever seen. I am also thankful for Ava and Brennan, of course. Being born at 29 weeks, I know their story could have been horrible. I am so thankful for their health and growth. I am thankful for the opportunity to be their Mommy.

I've been reading about and praying for little Kayleigh Freeman. I can't imagine what her parents are going through. NICU is such a rough road alone, but then to find out your child is brain dead and hearing that it's basically "just a matter of time now" has got to be the most horrible thing for a parent to go through. I know these parents have done everything in their power to try to save their precious baby girl, even when others thought it was hopeless. I admire them so much and I don't know them.

So, as my son is lying in his boppy pillow, kicking me and screaming (no tears at all), I am going to hold him, kiss him, and love him because I'm sure that's all he wants anyway. Then, I will hold Ava and do the same, but I'm sure Brennan will get mad, so I'll probably be holding them both.

Please keep the Freeman family in your prayers. Have a great day!

Saturday Night Blogging...

Well, it's 9:47pm. Ava and Brennan are sleeping. Cory is watching some stupid movie, and I'm blogging. Before the birth of the most precious babies in the world, I would have never been home on Saturday night! Isn't it funny how things change? Anyway, while we were home this evening, we took some pictures of our growing babies and I thought I'd share a few.

Gosh, aren't those beautiful babies? As you can see, Ava is such a daddy's girl. Brennan is MY boy! :)

A NICU poem

As many readers know, my sweet babies were born at 29 weeks and 2 days gestation. They were in NICU for 6 weeks. They are now healthy, normal, growing babies. I think about those days in NICU often, when I'm not super busy with the babies. When they are both screaming to the tops of their lungs, I think how Cory and I used to just wait for the smallest whimper and how we couldn't wait to hear them cry. When I get frustrated, I try to think of where we were 5 months ago. Cory and I are so fortunate that our babies were saved. A lot of parents don't have this luxury or if their baby does survive, there are long term effects from prematurity. I actually belong to a preemie support group and there is a mother on there, who delivered her child at 35 weeks. The baby went to NICU, as he was having difficulty breathing. He died two days later. I can't imagine what this poor Mother is going through. She blames herself, I'm sure. I know I did. You know, when Brennan was at Egelston, there was a nurse who was pregnant. She was probably 36 weeks. She complained about how big she was and how ugly she felt. I always got so angry when I heard her, because I would have given anything for my babies to still be inside me. She has obviously never had to sit in a NICU, holding her baby's hand through the holes of an incubator.



Anyway, I found this poem on the preemie support group this morning and I felt it appropriate to share:


God Bless this Little Child...God bless the little child behind the plastic wall For all he knows is the ringing of the bells andthe blurred images around him. He has been takenfrom my womb without warning and I long to hold himin my arms.Lord, I ask in your name that my child be healed.I am willing to accept your decision no matter whatit will be. I am willing to take on the responsibilitiesfor caring for this child. I am willing to give thischild love and understanding no matter the cost.Please Lord help me to accept reality and what hashappened without explanation or warning. Help meface the fact that this is not my fault and that I was given a special task to complete here on Earth.God give my child the strength to make it through anothersecond, minute, hour and day as each moment isa blessing and a triumph from heaven.God, may you give the strength and compassionto the caregivers and nurses that take care of my childMay you keep my child protected and free from all injuryand pain. Please take away the guilt and burden from my heart dearLord. It is heavy and I feel it is all my fault.Take it away dear Lord. Sweet Jesus allow me the strengthand understanding I need to communicate with the Doctorsand Nurses.As you see dear Lord, I am at your mercy for the life ofmy child. Please leave him here on Earth and know thatI will provide all the love and understanding thatthis child needs. I accept the challenge and will beyour humble servant dear Lord.

-Author unknown


I hope you all have a great day!

Rain, Rain, Go Away...

This is the title of so many blogs I've read lately, but seriously: when is this rain going to end? I was reading Athens Banner Herald online and they say that the drought is over because of all the recent rainfall. I would sure hope so!

So, as many know, my last day at my job was last Monday (3/23). I shadowed at Landmark Hospital on Monday. LM is like a longterm ICU, with ventilators, trachs, etc. I liked it, but it is going to be quite a change. I have the job if I want it. At present, I'm waiting for the HR coordinator to call me so we can talk money. That is always hard. The job will be 12 hours shifts (7a-7p). Although I know the shifts are going to be exhausting at first, I am so happy that I will be at home more with my growing babies. They seem to change more and more everyday and I feel as though with 8 hour shifts everyday, I'm missing so much. So, hopefully this change will be good for me and more importantly, for them.

As for Ava and Brennan, we are enjoying our time together. They are babbling constantly. Ava says "Ah gooooooo!" constantly. I think Ava is cutting her first tooth. She is drooling so much and putting everything in her mouth. I can see the tiny teeth in her lower gum. Poor baby! I am hoping Brennan waits a little longer. I don't know about two babies teething simulataneously! They are both trying to sit up, which is so cute. The sit up briefly and fall backwards.

Well, I'm off to finish my morning cleaning. I've gotten so much done over the past week, being off work. My house and so clean and organized! I love it! Hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday! Stay dry! :)

Missing my babies...

This weekend has been a pretty good one and I always hate to see weekends go.

Friday night, we went out to dinner with my parents, my Mama's BFF, and her boyfriend. Mama's friend treated us all to dinner at a restaraunt inside Chateau Elan. The restaraunt had wings, chicken strips, etc. It was really good! We had a great time! The babies were really good throughout the meal, until Ava got hungry. She would not take her bottle, she wanted applesauce! We looked everywhere for applesauce. Todd (the boyfriend) even went across the street to seek applesauce to no avail. The girl loves applesauce; I can't believe we didn't bring it! I gave her some of my mashed potatoes, and finally she calmed down a little.

Saturday was Cory's 25th Birthday! He worked, as he usually does. His great friends at work bought him an ice cream cake and, which he enjoyed and they bought him Clemson floor mats for his new SUV. I stayed home with the babies during the day yesterday. We had a great day! Brennan babbled the whole day and said what seemed to sound like "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." Ava laughed and babbled all day, too. My friend Melissa came over to highlight my hair, and they enjoyed seeing her. They haven't seen her in about 1 month. She held them and talked to them, and of course, they talked back. Precious! After Melissa left, Cory's parents came to pick the babies up to spend the night with them. I know they will be well taken care of, but it's so hard to let them go! Cory and I did need a full night's sleep and to get out of the house, though. Last night, we went to TGI Friday's for Cory's birthday dinner. Cory loves TGI Friday's! Will and Tanya went with us. We had a great time! The nice waitress prepared Cory a birthday sundae, without singing to him. I was a little dissappointed, as I had planned to totally embarrass him. Oh, well. There's always next year! After dinner, we went to TJ Maxx. I found Ava and Brennan some adorable summer clothes. Cory is a huge Boston Red Sox fan, so we bought Brennan a Boston Red Sox sleeveless onesie and a blanket. Brennnan also got a cute pair of plaid shorts and a polo. Ava got two outfits, as well. And, of course, I can't leave Buford without hitting up Babies-R-Us. I absolutely love this store, although i do think it's a tad overpriced. We bought Ava a pink bumbo. Brennan already had his blue one. I also bought Brennan some cute, brown sandles. I was going to get Ava a pair of sandles, but they just didn't look comfortable. We got home and talked with Will and Tanya a while and then went to bed.

It's now Sunday morning. I woke up at 7am, because I had no room in the bed. Turns out, Bella (our BOXER) was laying between us in the bed. She's huge! I needed to get up, anyway. Sundays go by so quickly, so I like to get up early to enjoy my day. When Cory wakes up, we are going to get the babies! Yay! I hope they're as happy to see me as I will be to see them! I never imagined this kind of love! It's so weird to me how some parents can just pawn of their children to anyone who will take then and I cry when mine leave.

Anyway, I'm off to shower and get ready! Hope you all have a fabulous Sunday!

Saying goodbye to old friends...

To make a long story short: my family is saying goodbye to dear friends of ours. Well, we are saying goodbye to our family. Tomorrow, at 8:45am, Max, Rosie, and Deena will no longer live with my parents. Max, Deena, and Rosie are dogs that have been around for at least 10+ years. They have been through so much with us, will be missed dearly, and will never be forgotten. They have had great lives with us, often being treated better than some children are treated. Anyone who knows my family, knows how much we love our animals. Losing this part of our family is so hard for us, especially Mama. I've never seen my Mama so upset in my life. She has always been my rock and it's hard to see her fall apart. I feel so helpless right now.

I won't go into the story of why they won't be living with my parents anymore, but please keep us (including the dogs) in your prayers! We need lots of prayer to get through this difficult time in our lives.

To Max, Rosie, and Deena: I love you. Thanks for being my friend, listening to my problems, and walking me to the door when I came home late at night. You all will never, ever be forgotten!

Time flies!

Ava and Brennan are eating baby food!!!! I can't even believe that they are old enough for baby food. We went for their 4 month check up and shots on Tuesday and he said they were growing well, looked great, and were ready for baby food! My babies are growing too fast. I never knew how time flew until now.

They are both laughing and babbling all the time. Actually, in the pediatrician's office, Brennan literally talked the whole time. Cory and I talk to them a lot, so hopefully that will help their language development. They love mirrors and can't get enough of themselves. They are now reaching for toys that make noise. They love mobiles, looking around (Brennan has a bald spot in the back of his head from moving his head around so much), music, their Baby Einstien DVD, and their swings (with vibration and music on). They also love to ride in the car and play with their carseat toys. Brennan remains very impatient. When he wants something, he wanted it 5 minutes ago. He hates waiting! Ava is a little more patient than Brennan. They both HATE having their faces cleaned and getting dressed. They hate when the clothes go over their heads.

Getting to know their personalities has been so much fun. They are the loves of our lives and we thank God everyday to have these precious miracle babies.

Dear Precious Miracle Babies:

When Ava and Brennan were in NICU, I decided to write them letters. My goal in writing these letters was to one day show them their struggles and how strong they were. I wrote them when I was watching them sleep in their incubators, or their open cribs. I will spare you and only post a few of the letters.

The first letter was written on 11/13/08, when they were nearly one week old.

Dear Ava,
As I fill this out, you lay in front of me in your isolette. You are almost one week old. At this exact moment one week ago, contractions started and you and Brennan wanted out your cozy home. We like to think you just wanted a Christmas present. You are the most beautiful baby girl we have ever layed eyes on. You are more perfect than we ever imagined. We are so proud of how strong you've been, despite your tiny size. You thrive more and more everyday and you will never know how proud we are of you. You are our little hero. I know your miss your brother, and we are working very hard to have him back here with you soon. We are so lucky to be your parents. We love you more than anything, sweetheart and look forward to our lives together.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Dear Brennan,
As I fill this out, you are in NICU at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta at Egelston. You've had a rough start. I sometimes blame myself that you were born early, and have had to endure so much already. When you were 3 days old, you were diagnosed with a perforated bowel. The Neonatologist told me you would have to be sent to either Augusta or Atlanta to Egelson. We were so afraid. We were so mad. It wasn't fair that our sweet baby had to have surgery and at only 72 hours old. The Angel Team came to get you and took you away from us. We left sissy in the care of Gammy and Pop and we left for Atlanta to be with you. We got to see you briefly before the surgery. We kissed you, told you how much we loved you, and cried. It was so hard for us not to be in control of our own son. You were taken away to surgery. Everyone was praying for you....everyone. After what seemed like an eternity, the surgeon came out and told us you had done great during the surgery. They ended up only have to cut a small portion of your intestine (a few centimeters). She informed us that there would be no long term complications and she expected you to recover nicely. Our prayers had been answered. God is so good. We never realized how powerful prayer was until you and your sister came along. You are still on the ventilator. They intubated you for surgery. They are keeping you on it to ensure that your pain medications won't depress your breathing. You are doing so well, though! You are on room air settings on the vent, which means you will probably be weaned tomorrow. They don't forsee it being a problem, since you had no respiratory problems at birth. We are so proud of you. You are so, very strong. It looks as though you will be back with your sister in about 1 week. You have to have a bowel movement, and then digest your breastmilk before you can go back to Athens with sissy. For now, they are giving your tummy a rest. Baby boy, you amaze us more and more everyday. You and sissy are our heros. We love you more than anything, sweetheart and can't wait until you're home with us. We are going to have so much fun together. Until next time, stay strong. We love you.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Too early.

I went to work on November 3rd. It was a normal day, although I was a lot more tired than usual. I blamed it on being a whale. After the first part of the day was over, I decided I would only work 4 hours from then until the babies arrived. I went home, took a shower, and fell down on the couch. I got back up to dry my hair and my water broke. I didn't exactly know what was going on. I asked Cory "Umm, did my water just break!?" He was freaking out. I called Mama, told her what happened, and she told me to call the OB's office. Cory called and the answering service was already on. He told the operator what happened and not even 1 minute later, Patty called. She is a nurse at the OB's office. She told us to go to Athens Regional Labor and Delivery and that Dr. Goggin would meet us there. On the way there, I had no contractions. I was pretty numb. I was just shaking. I was so worried about my precious babies. I was on 28 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I knew viability was at 24 weeks, but I was so scared.

We got to the ER. Cory helped me out of the car at the front door of the ER. Someone wheeled me inside. They asked me what I was there for. I told the young guy sitting there that my water had broken about 1 hour ago. Cory finally came inside and the young guy wheeled us to Labor and Delivery. That night is pretty much a blur. I was hooked up to fetal monitors ALL night long, stuck with 50 needles (steriods, terbutaline to stop contractions, IVs, etc.). I couldn't eat incase I went into labor. Try telling a huge pregnant woman she can't eat until tomorrow morning! That night was relatively uneventful. Dr. Goggin came in the next day and said the babies were doing great. He did an ultrasound and said that Brennan had broken the water, but he had a good amount of fluid left. I was so thankful. Dr. Goggin then proceeded to say I would be on hospital bed rest until they arrived. I asked him "How long are we looking at here?!" He said "Well, you could possibly stay in until 38 weeks, when I would have originally scheduled a c-section." 10 weeks?!?!?! I couldn't bare to think about it. Little did I know, I would have much rather been on hospital bed rest than see my tiny babies in NICU. I wanted him to assure me that everything would be ok. And he did. I trusted him with my life, and more importantly, I trusted him with theirs. He had been through a similar situation with his twins. His wife delivered prematurely at 24 weeks. They lost one of their twins, but their girl, Kate is now 8 years old. Anyway, the week rocked on. Nothing major happened. I was getting non stress tests every 4 hours and the babies were doing great. I was getting the terbutaline to stop contractions before they started. Everything was good, up until Thursday, November 6th. I woke up feeling terrible. Cory was lying over on the fold out chair, snoozing. I woke him up because I felt as though I couldn't breathe. As a nurse, I knew Terbutaline had terrible side effects and shortness of breath was not an uncommon side effect. Cory wanted me to call the nurse, so I did. She gave me some oxygen and called Dr. Goggin. He stopped the Terbutaline because my shortness of breath had gotten worse. My 02 sat was 81, which is NOT good. I then got the headache from HELL and they could only give me Tylenol. I then began some cramping. I didn't say anything to Cory about the cramping. Instead, I told him he needed to go home and get a good night's sleep. He didn't want to, but finally agreed to go home. Mama came to stay with me at the hospital. I promised Cory I would call him if anything at all happened. A few minutes after Mama got to the room, I told her I was cramping. Nothing major, but I felt it. I begged her not to say anything. As the night progressed, the cramping got worse. By around 11pm, I was in full blown labor. I was having severe contractions that were about 5 minutes apart. They gave me Percocet, which didn't even touch the contractions. The nurse called Dr. Goggin and back to Labor and Delivery I went. I had been on Mother/Baby for my bedrest. Mama called Cory and he got there in like 20 minutes. The pain was TERRIBLE. They gave me the terbutaline again, but it didn't work. The L &D nurse had to re-start my IV because the other nurses had taken it out. She couldn't get a vein, and had to stick me 2-3 times. I didn't care: I just wanted pain medicine! I needed sleep. Finally they got the IV, gave me pain meds, and it relieved the contractions a little. My pain level went from a 7,000 to maybe a 2,000. :) I would doze off for a few minutes. Then, wake up again with that terrible pain. Dr. Goggin finally arrived around 9:15am. He checked me and put his hand on my hand and said "Sweetie, it's time!" I was 7cm dilated. The nurse got Cory's scrubs, they prepped me for an emergency c-section, and off we went to the c-section room. Cory had to wait outside while they gave me the spinal. I was having contractions during the spinal, so it was very hard for me to sit in the right position, which is chin to chest. It took forever for the spinal to go in correctly because I kept moving. Finally, it worked. I was numb. Cory came in. I was shaking so much and praying under my breathe. I had been crying from the pain. Cory had been crying, too. He was just as worried as I was. The doctors worked, and at 10:22am, my precious baby boy, Brennan Reeves Sauls entered the world screaming. That cry was the sweetest sound in the world. I didn't know if their lungs would be developed enough to cry. He weighed 2lbs 14oz.

At 10:24am, Ava Rose Sauls arrived. She weighed 2lbs 6oz. She cried, but not nearly as loud as Brennan. I only got to see her for 1 or 2 seconds. She was having a hard time breathing, and was immediately intubated.

Our precious babies were taken away from us before we even got to meet them. It was not fair. I had dreamed of this day for so long, but this was turning into a nightmare. I was so happy they were doing well, but so mad at the same time. I kept seeing mothers with their huge babies leaving the hospital, while my babies were struggling for their lives. Ava especially. Ava weighed 2lbs 6oz. She was on a ventilator for a few days. Brennan didn't require ventilation or oxygen. He was doing amazingly well. They were so tiny, and so beautiful. More beautiful than I ever imagined. I loved them more than anything and all of a sudden, nothing in the world mattered but them. I cried for everyday. I wanted my babies home with me. It was not fair that I had to leave them with strangers. I felt as though they wouldn't know how much I loved them. I was there everyday, morning, afternoon, and at night. There was nowhere else I wanted to be, but right there with them.

Long story short: we spent 6 weeks in NICU. NICU was our home for this time. There are so many ups and downs. The statement about NICU being like a rollercoaster is so true. One day they are doing great, the next terribly. Brennan had to be taken to Egelston for surgery, after doing so well for the first few days of his life. This was SO hard. With many prayers, we got through it. He was taken back to Athens after 10 days of being at Egelston. The rest of the NICU course wasn't too, terribly bad. They grew and got stronger and on December 22, 2008, they came home! Our wishes were granted: we had our family!

The Beginning

As I sit here, holding my blue eyed Princess, I am reminded of where it all started. I sometimes think about how life was before I had not one, but TWO babies. Cory and I could ALWAYS get our full 8 hours of sleep and more if we wanted. We could take our naps and lay around in our PJs all day on Sundays. We could come home, cook dinner, and watch TV until bedtime. We could spend our money freely. We actually HAD money. We lived for us! Life was simple. Our marriage was one that most would love to have. I'm not exactly sure how or when we decided that our lives were missing something. We had always talked about having children and we imagined how they would look and act. Cory had even made the comment "Wouldn't it be great to have twins?" Little did he know, right?

On May 9th, 2008, the Staffing Coordinator at work was in a bind. She was down a nurse to work 11-7 on the two units upstairs. If you know anything about where I work, you know working D and E is NOT fun. You know that finding a nurse to work those units on short notice is nearly impossible. So, being the nice person I am (HAHA), I agreed to work them. Besides, Mama had picked up an extra shift and if I got in a bind, I'd just call her. The night went smoothly, although I felt very nauseated the whole time. I just blamed it on working night shift, since I'm not at all used it. Those who know me know I LOVE to go to bed early! I went home, still feeling a little nauseated. When I got home, I had to unwind. I couldn't just hop into bed. It had been about 2 weeks since ovulation, so I decided to take a pregnancy test. Pregnancy tests had become a weekly item on the grocery store list, so I had plenty. Cory wasn't home, and I knew it was unfair to test without him at home, but I knew I wasn't pregnant so it didn't really matter. I took the test, layed it on the bathroom counter, and walked to the back door to let the dogs outside. I walked back in the bathroom and looked at the test. It showed a faint positive. I remember thinking "That can't be right!" So, being the OCD person I am, I took another one. This one was digital. I walked around the bathroom, waiting for the results. I looked down and it said 'Pregnant.' I was in total disbelief. I called Mama, who was sleeping, and said "Mama, I think I just got a positive pregancy test." She woke right up and said "WHAT?!?!?!?! you think?!?!?!" I then called Cory and told him. He didn't believe me. He then said he would believe it if I got a blood test. We both didn't want to get our hopes up, only to be let down by a negative test. It being Saturday, I knew I couldn't get one over the weekend. the weekend rocked on and finally MONDAY morning arrived. I called over to the hospital, where I knew my doctor was making rounds and asked her to write an order for a serum HCG. She did, I got my blood drawn, and after what seemed like 20 years, my results were up! My friend Melissa came down to my office and said "LOOK AT THEM!" I told her I was scared, but she made me look at them. My HCG was 90 7 days past ovulation! I WAS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mama screamed, Cory screamed. It was a miracle!

I went for my first prenatal appointment that Friday. I was originally scheduled for a pap smear. They checked my HCG again and it was 600! Whoa. I was only 4 1/2 weeks pregnant. I recall a friend of mine saying "Dang, Ashley: I think you have twins!" I was like "HA HA, whatever!"

The next few weeks went on and I was nauseated, but never had morning sickness. There was nothing major to really report. On June 10th, I went to my OB for my very first ultrasound. He made the comment to Cory and I "Wouldn't it be great if you had twins?" He told us the chances of having twins and other info on twins. I was like "Umm, is there something you know that I don't?!" He put the ultrasound toy on my stomach and I saw what looked to be TWO sacks. I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to look like a total idiot. He said "Oh, Ashley." and then Mama says "Are you serious?!" I was freaking at this point, saying "MAMA, WHAT IS IT?! My OB had his hands behind is back, motioning 2 with his fingers. He then revealed we would be the pround parents of TWO babies on January 21, 2009. We were beyond words. This was the happiest moment in our lives, thus far. God had blessed us with this pregnancy and two babies to share our love with.

The next weeks were great. I had no real pregnancy symptoms. I didn't care if I did. My belly got bigger, along with my hips and butt. We took pictures of my belly every week at work; I hardly even recognized myself. I didn't care how big I got, though, because that meant my precious babies were growing. We had the big ultrasound and found out God had blessed us with a baby boy AND a baby girl. We had ultrasounds every 2 weeks, but this one was the one we had looked forward to. I was in love with them already. I wanted nothing but the best for them. I took my vitamins, drank my milk, read to them, and sang to them. I got to know them so well. I got to know the foods they hated me to eat, I got to feel the strong kicks (although I rarely knew which one was kicking), I got to feel them hiccup. I remember the first time Cory felt a strong kick. I remember Brennan being in weird positions at night, which would make my stomach look like something from a horror movie.

I had no complications throughout my pregnancy. My blood pressure was good, I didn't gain too much weight, I passed my Glucose Tolerance Test. Everything was GREAT!

The first picture was taken in June 2008. The second on my birthday, August 13th. The third in September. Notice my pants are cut on the sides in September. :)